Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.