I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
well, you know. whores of a feather.