Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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