3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
