i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
