is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
