Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
