This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
