based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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