I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
