accomplished twins. life is a go
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
