my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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