ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
