You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
