I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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