I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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