and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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