I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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