Sry I called you an 8
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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