I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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