He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
