so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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