He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
