I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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