fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i barfeds in our rink
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
