I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
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I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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