I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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