All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
