There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
