I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
