Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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