I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
