maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
