I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
This is classic penis vs brain.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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