How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
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he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
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I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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