FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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