u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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