I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
