He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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