omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
