M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
