I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Two words: blizzard sex
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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