Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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