I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
