You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
