I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
