4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was confusing and full of hummus
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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