The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
