I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize