I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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