my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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