i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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