I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
