I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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