A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We are all done wearing pants today
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
