Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
