david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
How does it feel to date your dad?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
