I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
