my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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