bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
please come you make the beer taste better
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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