non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
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I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
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Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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