I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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